i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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