Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
