I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We left the knife in your bed.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
