do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
