What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
