just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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