someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
