We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
