I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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