I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
