**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
