They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
