Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So much rum. So many feels.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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