At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Can I color on your dick again?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
