I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
