wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
