remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
