A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
