hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
