Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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