So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
