his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
