Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
