you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
