it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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