I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
True strength comes from lack of pants
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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