How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I wish my penis had an off switch
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
