is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Found your dick twin last night
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
