If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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