I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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