i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize