Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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