Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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