BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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