Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
