It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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