Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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