apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
