When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Randomize
