i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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