So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize