PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
