i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
