i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
time to smoke my breakfast
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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