Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
