Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize