I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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