May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize