update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize