She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize