Moan for me like Helen Keller
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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