So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
