We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
