It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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