as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
