spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
