Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
