I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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