I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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