he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
