she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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