shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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