im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
