I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
