I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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