Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Who died my cat blue again?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
