Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
