i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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